Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
