Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
