Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am midnight drunk by noon
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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