So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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