she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
