I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
