Banned from zoo.
Again?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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