Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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