He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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