ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
