You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
