its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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