I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
