How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
