guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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