he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
