I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
