my vag is so smooth its legendary
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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