Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
