Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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