question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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