We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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