vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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