This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
