fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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