his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
