This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
