i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
