a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
