she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
