I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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