I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
