I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
