well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
