maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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