This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize