I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
