My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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