bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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