I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
