I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
