the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
