We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
