you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
