Need sex. Gaining weight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
