Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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