I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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