Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
