do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
