Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize