I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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