I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize