I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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