your parents love me but you hate me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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