i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
