I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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