hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize