Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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