i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
