just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize