Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
