So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
