chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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