and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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