so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
