i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
