Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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