If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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