If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
